MedStu Cop (PG-13)

May 21, 2010

(Apologies for the slow output of late… we’ll pick it up soon)

MedStu Cop (PG-13)

A series of unexplained deaths hits the patients of Mount Zion Hospital. The only link is that shortly before each death, the hospital cat ‘Strokes’ chose to sit on the sleeping victim’s bed.

The police suspect foul play and send in undercover cop Hope Goodwell (Academy Award winner: Sandra Bullock) to pose as a medical student, while searching for the truth.

And so begins a battle of wits between ambitious cop & killer kitty.

However, Hope soon discovers that ‘Strokes’ may be innocent, & the real killer may actually be her diagnostic teacher: unconventional, maverick, medical genius, Dr Chambers (Pierce Brosnan) A secret psychopath, who’s been bumping off some of his patients, for years!

And so begins another battle of wits, between student & master. Who will be the victor?

Note: The spectacular climax features a hair-raising gurney chase through the streets of San Francisco.

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Hot Air (PG-13)

August 28, 2009

Hot Air (PG-13)

'Boon'

'Boon'

Genre: Generic chase film (like Bullitt) – but with hot-air balloons

Chazz (Nicholas Cage) and Gemma Rayzor (Sandra Bullock) are avid husband-and-wife hot-air balloonists. Together, they’ve won over 100 races in the balloon they affectionately refer to as ‘Boon’.

One day, during one of their races, they witness a murder in the basket of another balloon. Abandoning the competition, they decide to pursue the suspect – who is surprisingly quick!

(Include riveting 45 minute hot-air balloon chase scene where they’re screaming things like:

Gemma: “We need more speed! Have we chucked everything out? Where’s that six-pack of organic beans?”

Chazz: “I eated them.”

They suddenly stare at each other with the same thought

Gemma: “Drop your pants, I’ll get a match!”)

Chazz and Gemma eventually land on top of the murderer and subdue him after performing the world’s first hot-air balloon loop-de-loop.

Spring Cleaning

April 29, 2009

Spring Cleaning 4-in-1

It’s spring cleaning time here at failedscreenwriter.com.

For your perusal, a collection of some real duds that have been in development for far too long:

Here Come the Girls (R)

portman

After a female politician is publicly humiliated during an election campaign in a male-dominated town in the Deep South, an angry lesbian couple (the shaved-headed kind) (Natalie Portman & Sandra Bullock) move down from New York to take matters into their own hands.

Day of the Badger (R)

kk

After a government sponsored cull of the badger population, badger lover Jake Hinson (Kris Kristofferson) decides to avenge their murder by hunting the hunters one by one.

Polar Opposites (G)

sandra

Fluffy rom-com about two people (Sandra Bullock & Hugh Jackman) who suffer from manic depression. They meet each other while on a ‘manic high’ and have a ‘blast’. Hilarity ensues when they both drop into a deep and prolonged depression.

Silver Foxes (NC-17)

butta1

Three hardnosed ex-lady-cops (all with their own special individual skills) are forced out of retirement and work together when a maniac runs loose in their seniors’ compound stealing garden gnomes.

Starring Dame Judi Dench as Detective Ginny Swine, Sandra Bullock as Goldie Hollins, Sophia Loren as Siena Fonseca. 

Notes: To feature a groundbreaking love scene involving all three ladies and a frozen stick of butter.

Worst Case Tsunamio (PG-13)

tsusamikeanu

Genre: Big budget action blockbuster

Japan’s top hostage negotiator and ex-surfing champion, Harry Gateaux (Keanu Reeves), is about to have a very bad day.

After a robbery at Tokyo’s tallest bank is foiled by the SWAT team, the thieves (led by John Travolta) grab two hostages [Harry’s wife (Sandra Bullock) and father-in-law (George Takei), who also happens to be a Yakuza boss] and seek refuge on the top floor of the building. Meanwhile, fire begins to rage out of control at the ground level and starts to climb upwards.

When a Chinese underground nuclear test goes awry, sending the biggest tsunami in history on a collision course with Tokyo, Harry must deal with a ‘perfect storm’ of crime, political crisis, natural disaster and domestic trouble.

Possible dialogue:
Chief Watanabe: “It’s no good! You can’t save people that high up, they’ll be jumping soon! Evacuate the area!”
Harry: “No wait… how high did you say that incoming wave was?”
Watanabe: “1000 feet.”
Harry: “… and how tall is that building?”
Watanabe: “1000 feet”
Harry: “Get me a motherfreakin’ surfboard………..sir!”