The First Mermaid (PG-13)

A victim of low self-esteem, Thandy Milson (Scarlett Johansson) is forever unhappy with her self-image. After several unsuccessful attempts at plastic surgery, she decides to replace her bottom half with that of a large tuna – thus becoming the first  mermaid.

With her change, comes minor celebrity and fame. She appears on talk shows, reality TV, etc… Despite the attention, however, her self-esteem is no better and she begins to regret he mer-status.

One evening she is drugged and kidnapped by a billionaire Russian (Rick Moranis) with a penchant for collecting rare beasts. She is deposited in a specially built tank in the Russian’s mansion. When she awakes, she discovers she’s not the only captive in the Russian’s animal ‘harem’ and befriends other exotic creatures.

The captives are all eventually informed that they are to be part of a massive feast, hosted by the Russian billionaire. So they must work together and combine forces to plot their escape (ultimately she learns that self-confidence doesn’t come from having a nice tuna butt, etc…)

Possible dialogue:
Mermaid: “Slap him now beaverman!”

Shoe City (G)

February 1, 2009

 

pixar1

Shoe City (G)

Basic rom-com (slob male/unattainable babe) with a Disney/Pixar twist: all the characters are shoes. They all live in a divided city with the fashionable shoes living on the west side and the unfashionable shoes (e.g. trainers, running shoes) on the east side. The city is divided by a giant wall that is patrolled by eagle-eyed bouncers.

Aspiring rock star, Chuck (Kevin James) and his best friend, burned out 70’s casualty Dietmar Moonjazz (David Bowie), spend their days dreaming of making it over the wall to the west, where they feel they belong.

One day, at the annual Mid-town rave, Chuck meets Sally (Scarlett Johansson), who is a Westsider! They fall in love but she’s engaged to Vito ‘Etch-a-Sketches’ Smackallino (Tracy Morgan), reigning king of Shoe City’s drug trade (& mayor). [note: Unbeknownst to Sally, Vito is having an affair with nightclub singer, ‘Rug Burns’ Pastaggio (Megan Fox).]

 

At the stroke of midnight Chuck & Sally are forced to part along with the rest of the population and return through the central gate to their own side of the city until next year. But Chuck can’t wait that long…

Can Chuck & Dietmar make it over the wall disguised as fashionable lady-shoes and find Sally again before the wedding? If so, can Chuck & Sally escape the wrath of Vito? Will Chuck & Dietmar be allowed to stay in the West & fulfill their dreams?

Possible dialogue:

Chuck: “Mr Smackallino, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for Shoe City, if you seek liberalization: Come here to this gate! Mr. Smackallino, open this gate! Mr. Smackallino, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!” (crowd erupts into wild applause)

Original song:

“Together we’re a pair” by Tom Waits and that girl from the Ting Tings.

 

Kevin James

Kevin James

 

Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson

 

Megan Fox

Megan Fox

David Bowie

David Bowie

Tracy Morgan

Tracy Morgan