The Horse Worrier (PG-13)

October 11, 2010

The Horse Worrier (PG-13)

Genre: Romantic drivel. With horses.

Ireland’s top female jockey, ‘Waxy McCavity’ (Minnie Driver), is involved in a horrific accident while taking part in the Grand National. Her horse suddenly & inexplicably begins to panic & then spontaneously combusts, just as the race is reaching it’s exciting climax. Waxy bravely continues to steer the fiery horse over the finishing line in first place despite being in agony. With flesh melting from her face, she even manages a victorious ‘fist-pump’ in front of the horrified onlookers before finally passing out, as the flames are extinguished by the emergency crew.

The horse dies. Waxy survives (just) but is left scarred for life. To make matters worse, even after numerous painful operations, the surgeons are unable to remove the saddle, which has fused with her skin.

A wealthy, handsome American horse trainer & philanthropist, ‘Gatsby Seaman’ (Matthew McConaughey), hears of her plight and invites Waxy over to his ranch, determined to do all he can to help. Soon a romace develops.

Waxy, however, is now unable to approach any horse without making it uneasy. Will Gatsby be able to train a horse to be able to accept Waxy in time for her to fulfil her dream of competing in the Kentucky Derby? Or will she never be able to race again? & will their love be strong enough to overcome such an obstacle?

Possible dialogue:

Waxy: “Dammit Gatsby! i feel like a freak, i cant walk straight, or even sit down, & i’ll never be able to look my Gynecologist in the eye again. The only place i feel human is on a horse!. If i cant race again, i’ll die. You’ve got to help me, whatever it costs.

Gatsby: “Err?….you can still fuck with that thing, right?”

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