The Pizza Boy Tragedy (G)

pizza

Genre: Another one for the kids

Pizzeria owner, Jimmy Gepetto (Robert Loggia), always dreamt of having a son to call his own. One evening he makes a boy-shaped pizza, places it in the oven and whispers a wish before drifting off to sleep.

When Jimmy awakes, he is surprised to find a small pizza-boy (Tom Cruise) running around his restaurant. Recognizing the potential marketing appeal of a pizza-boy, Jimmy begins to exploit the boy’s image. Success soon follows and chains of ‘Pizza-Boy®’ pizzerias appear everywhere.

Pizza-boy grows disillusioned with his father, who now has very little time for him. One night, Pizza-boy sneaks out of the restaurant and runs into Jiminy Cockroach (voiced by Steve Buscemi), a sleazy pimp whose ‘girls’ are actually rodents. Pizza-boy is lured into the red light district and ultimately, to his death – devoured by prostitute vermin.

Possible dialogue:

Jiminy: “Hey Pizza Boy! You look like a guy who could use some rat pu**y. Am I right or am I right?”

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Life in Hi-Def (PG-13)

January 19, 2009

beyoncemayaoprah

vingrhames4

Life in Hi-Def (PG-13)

Genre: Chick flick

Plot:

Downtrodden, battered, New York housewife Rusty McCraken (Beyoncé Knowles) has only one joy in life: watching her favourite daytime shows on her 60″ Plasma HDTV. The images are so real, it’s like she could actually reach out and touch them…

One day, during a particularly riveting interview, Oprah Winfrey and her special guest Dr Maya Angelou turn to face Rusty and start talking directly to her. They then squeeze out of the TV and, literally, enter Rusty’s life! Over coffee and hugs they give her the support and advice she needs to face up to her abusive husband (Ving Rhames) and turn her life around.

Soon, as more characters emerge from the TV, she’s having the time of her life (a fling with sexy soap star Ashton Kutcher, shopping trips with her new best friend Queen Latifah, etc…)

But is she really living the dream? Or just living in a dream world? Maybe her hunky neighbour (recently widowed TV repairman played by Robert Loggia) has the answers?