Back to Black (PG-13)

November 4, 2009

Back to Black (PG-13)

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Distinguished Harvard Professor Sidney Potts (Danny Glover) is driving home to the suburbs, along with his equally distinguished wife (Oprah Winfrey), son (Tyler Perry) and his son’s partner (Jeremy Piven). Having just attended an award ceremony celebrating the achievements made by African-Americans over the past 30 years or so, they are all a little tipsy after enjoying a Champagne fuelled evening. On the radio, Sam Cooke is singing Change is Gonna Come.

Then disaster strikes. They take a wrong turn and find themselves lost in an inner-city ghetto. Suddenly, they crash into another car and both cars are wrecked. The Potts’ emerge unscathed. However, the four occupants of the other car (a pimp, a drug dealer and two prostitutes) are killed.

Fearing arrest or lynching by angry locals they decide that if they can make it back to ‘their world’, they know people who could “make this go away”. Realising that they wouldn’t last 5 minutes on these tough streets dressed as they are, they steal the clothes of the corpses and set out on foot (Cosby and Perry disguised as pimp and drug dealer, with Oprah and Piven as their bitches.)

Unfortunately, their only knowledge of how ghetto people act comes from half-remembered 70’s black-sploitation films. Piven’s character is the only one who has any idea how to ‘act black’, but it’s still gonna be a looooong night. Hilarity ensues.

Possible dialogue:

Corrupt local cop (Joe Pesci): “Hey! Yous ******* must be new round here? Have you paid your taxes? No? OK, let me take a ride round the block with that cute little white chick and we’ll call it even.”

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Life in Hi-Def (PG-13)

January 19, 2009

beyoncemayaoprah

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Life in Hi-Def (PG-13)

Genre: Chick flick

Plot:

Downtrodden, battered, New York housewife Rusty McCraken (Beyoncé Knowles) has only one joy in life: watching her favourite daytime shows on her 60″ Plasma HDTV. The images are so real, it’s like she could actually reach out and touch them…

One day, during a particularly riveting interview, Oprah Winfrey and her special guest Dr Maya Angelou turn to face Rusty and start talking directly to her. They then squeeze out of the TV and, literally, enter Rusty’s life! Over coffee and hugs they give her the support and advice she needs to face up to her abusive husband (Ving Rhames) and turn her life around.

Soon, as more characters emerge from the TV, she’s having the time of her life (a fling with sexy soap star Ashton Kutcher, shopping trips with her new best friend Queen Latifah, etc…)

But is she really living the dream? Or just living in a dream world? Maybe her hunky neighbour (recently widowed TV repairman played by Robert Loggia) has the answers?