Exit Strategy (PG-13)

May 20, 2009

Exit Strategy (PG-13)

Country singer Willie Hickey (Chuck Norris) is falsely accused of terrorism and sent to Guantanamo Bay, where he shares a cell with ‘American Taliban’ Dwain Doonothing (Joaquin Phoenix).

They despise each other but are forced to work together (they plan to part as soon as they get outside) devising ‘Operation Rapuzel’, an escape plan that includes making a strong rope out their beards.

They eventually escape the prison but all goes awry when their beards become entangled. They spend the rest of the movie joined at the chin and somehow come to respect each other’s beliefs… (needs work)

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Heroine Cheek (R)

February 25, 2009

rourke_micky

Heroine Cheek (R)

Heroin-themed screwball comedy that follows a band of drug addicts – Chase Hudler (Mickey Rourke), Steve Simkins (Joaquin Phoenix), Jade Johnson (Courtney Love) & Ricky White (Steve Coogan) – who move to an isolated part of Afghanistan to start a poppy farm. All doesn’t go to plan, however, when they encounter local trouble makers (aka the Taliban – led by Omid Djalili).

Whilst the zany mad-cap antics between the two rival groups (e.g. suicide bombings, torture, etc.) lead to a stalemate, Jade Johnson ODs. The remaining addicts see this as an opportunity to smuggle a load of heroin back to the States – theyconcoct a story about how Jade was an American heroine, fighting terrorists in their own back yard.

Before returning the body home, they stuff it full of smack, knowing that the authorities wouldn’t dare search her. Upon return, however, their plans go up in smoke when Jade’s parents decide to cremate the body.

Possible dialogue:

Chase: She’s now packed with over 50 kilos of pure Aunt Hazel.

Steve: I’ve never been as attracted to her as I am now.

Ricky: I totally want to do her.