The Dig (PG-13)

October 9, 2009

The Dig (PG-13)

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Tagline: There will be mud

Whilst on a archaeological dig, Dr Theodosius Queerbones (Nicholas Cage) and plucky assistant Jane Martin (Megan Fox), uncover what appears to be a spaceship. The vessel is covered in hieroglyphs and symbols that are foreign to them, so Queerbones turns to renowned UFOlogist Quentin Cobbleman (Hugh Laurie) to decipher the code.

Cobbleman is astounded and uses an artefact that he found years ago (the Georgetta Stone), to translate the code. Feeling there are on the verge of re-writing the entire history of the Western World, they are disappointed when the translated symbols read: “If this ship’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’”.

Devastated by the let down, Dr Queerbones enters into a deep depression. During this time, he is tormented by inexplicable images of giant, alien-like, walking and talking hotdogs. One evening, Dr Queerbones tries to contact Dr Cobbleman again, but he’s informed that he’s been killed. Suspicious and frightened, Dr Queerbones totally freaks out.

Queerbones returns, along with plucky assistant, to scene of the vessel but finds that it’s been commandeered by military officials. They sneak into their compound and find something far more terrifying and mind-blowing than they ever could have imagined…

Possible dialogue:

Dr Q: My god… is that what I think it is?

JM: That’s the creepiest giant, alien-like, walking and talking hotdog I have ever seen.

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Clean Sweep (G)

December 18, 2008

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Clean Sweep (G)

Morgan Fitch (Wesley Snipes) and Denton Rothgate (Hugh Laurie) are two high-flying executives in New York City who, together with Rothgate’s son Billy (Seth Green), run Fitch Rothgate & Son – one of the city’s largest investment banks.

Due to a series of risky business deals in which they invested all of their own personal fortunes, Fitch and Rothgate find themselves unemployable and penniless.

Forced to fend for themselves on the mean streets of New York, the two are offered jobs as janitors at their former firm by their son – who is now in charge of the bank they founded.

While working as janitors they discover clues that indicate that Billy orchestrated their downfall. Fitch and Rothgate work together to unravel the mystery and rescue their reputations.

sub-plot: love interest – some secretary (Elisha Cuthbert) that Fitch ignored when he was rich – but he now starts to fancy her. He comes to realise the money loss is a blessing in disguise, as he would have never paid her any attention if he was still rich. Totally nails her out by the dumpster.

Blowhard (PG-13)

December 6, 2008

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BLOWHARD (PG-13)

A young Scottish lad, Ravi Sarna (played by unknown youthful Scottish-Indian actor), born to parents of Indian descent, loves nothing more than to play the bagpipes.

Whilst pursuing the dream of emulating his hero Angus Farquarson (Billy Connolly) – five time International Highland Games Bagpipping Champion – schoolmates constantly mock him. Furthermore, his father (Omid Djalili) constantly attempts to dissuade him from pursuing this dream, as it conflicts with the traditional Indian cultural beliefs.

Just when Ravi is about to quit, he has a chance encounter with Angus Farquarson, who was believed to be dead (Angus was previously in the Black Watch – known to have the best fingering in the bag piping world. Whilst on duty in Korea, his hands were blown off – thus ending his bagpiping career in his prime. He disappeared shortly after and was presumed dead.)

Angus helps the boy develop his skills and teaches him to ignore the negative influences in his life.

Over time, Ravi becomes the Scottish bagpiping champion – and enters the World Championships. At this point, his mentor (Angus) dies in a freak accident. Ravi questions his will to go on – especially after being beaten up outside a pub (sad scene where Ravi is being kicked whilst on the ground – the sound of his bagpipe losing its wind every time he’s kicked [e.g. sound of dying cat]).

The incident only re-inforces Ravi’s determination to continue his pursuit of bagpipping greatness… blah blah blah… goes onto become World Champ after beating posh Englishman (Hugh Laurie).

See sequel: Blowhard II: Blowharder