Back to Black (PG-13)

November 4, 2009

Back to Black (PG-13)


Distinguished Harvard Professor Sidney Potts (Danny Glover) is driving home to the suburbs, along with his equally distinguished wife (Oprah Winfrey), son (Tyler Perry) and his son’s partner (Jeremy Piven). Having just attended an award ceremony celebrating the achievements made by African-Americans over the past 30 years or so, they are all a little tipsy after enjoying a Champagne fuelled evening. On the radio, Sam Cooke is singing Change is Gonna Come.

Then disaster strikes. They take a wrong turn and find themselves lost in an inner-city ghetto. Suddenly, they crash into another car and both cars are wrecked. The Potts’ emerge unscathed. However, the four occupants of the other car (a pimp, a drug dealer and two prostitutes) are killed.

Fearing arrest or lynching by angry locals they decide that if they can make it back to ‘their world’, they know people who could “make this go away”. Realising that they wouldn’t last 5 minutes on these tough streets dressed as they are, they steal the clothes of the corpses and set out on foot (Cosby and Perry disguised as pimp and drug dealer, with Oprah and Piven as their bitches.)

Unfortunately, their only knowledge of how ghetto people act comes from half-remembered 70’s black-sploitation films. Piven’s character is the only one who has any idea how to ‘act black’, but it’s still gonna be a looooong night. Hilarity ensues.

Possible dialogue:

Corrupt local cop (Joe Pesci): “Hey! Yous ******* must be new round here? Have you paid your taxes? No? OK, let me take a ride round the block with that cute little white chick and we’ll call it even.”


Breaking Smack Hustler (R)

February 17, 2009






Breaking Smack Hustler (R)

Joe Waters (Joe Pesci) is a racist, Archie Bunker/Alf Garnett type who’s fed up with the drug dealers that have taken over his once quaint neighbourhood in the Cincinnati suburbs.

After being ignored by the cops, he decides to take matters into his own hands (e.g. blaring fake police sirens, putting flaming bags of excrement on the dealers’ stoops, etc). His antics lead to a run-in with the local drug lord, affectionately known as Mr Smack Hustler (Cuba Gooding Jr). The two almost come to blows but are separated by cops before any real damage is done.

One day, Joe awakes to find a young addict (Chris Brown) passed out on his lawn. Showing a fair share of compassion, Joe befriends the kid and eventually helps him to overcome his affliction (teaching him chess, origami, Sudoku, etc). [note: white people love movies where white people are helping disadvantaged black folk.]

After kicking the drug habit, the kid invites Joe over to his family’s place for dinner. Much to Joe’s surprise, it turns out the kid is Mr Smack Hustler’s son. Blinded by fury, Joe attacks Mr Smack Hustler. Just as Joe is about to finish him off with a final death blow (perhaps with a giant novelty crack pipe), he notices the kid crying. It’s at this moment that Joe realizes that he has grown to adore the kid and that killing the kid’s father would be wrong.

Ultimately, Joe decides to move to Florida and takes up fishing with this pal, Gus Green (Danny Glover). (see Gone Fishin’).

Note: Joe Pesci’s character will drop a lot of N-Bombs in this film. I mean a lot.

Possible dialogue:

Joe: Check.

Kid: Check mate.

Joe: Maybe you’re not such a dumb mother fuckin’ (n-bomb) after all.

Rainbow Girl (PG-13)

December 29, 2008

pesci4morgan_freeman1emma4Rainbow Girl (PG-13)


Genre: Drama 



Reimagining of the ‘Rainman’ legend in which selfish yuppie, Fanny Houlihan (Emma Thompson), is reunited with her estranged, autistic, tourettes suffering brother, Mickey (Joe Pesci) on a road trip across the USA in search of the doctor who may hold the secret to a cure (Morgan Freeman).


Unfortunately, Mickey’s condition turns out to be highly contagious to people who share his DNA, and Fanny is faced with the choice of losing the brother she loves, or losing her mind. 

Special appearance by Topol as ‘Pappa Houlihan’.