The First Mermaid (PG-13)

A victim of low self-esteem, Thandy Milson (Scarlett Johansson) is forever unhappy with her self-image. After several unsuccessful attempts at plastic surgery, she decides to replace her bottom half with that of a large tuna – thus becoming the first  mermaid.

With her change, comes minor celebrity and fame. She appears on talk shows, reality TV, etc… Despite the attention, however, her self-esteem is no better and she begins to regret he mer-status.

One evening she is drugged and kidnapped by a billionaire Russian (Rick Moranis) with a penchant for collecting rare beasts. She is deposited in a specially built tank in the Russian’s mansion. When she awakes, she discovers she’s not the only captive in the Russian’s animal ‘harem’ and befriends other exotic creatures.

The captives are all eventually informed that they are to be part of a massive feast, hosted by the Russian billionaire. So they must work together and combine forces to plot their escape (ultimately she learns that self-confidence doesn’t come from having a nice tuna butt, etc…)

Possible dialogue:
Mermaid: “Slap him now beaverman!”

Death Spam (PG-13)

March 5, 2009

 The much anticipated prequel to ‘The Cliff Clayburn Duplication’  schwim


"Police believe a blunt instrument was used to murder Vincent Castle"

"Police believe a blunt instrument was used to murder Vincent Castle"

Death Spam (PG-13)

Nuclear Physicist Cliff Clayburn (David Schwimmer) receives an email from himself… from the future. The message instructs Cliff to follow subsequent messages is to avoid serious danger. He initially thinks it’s a joke but after several emails with predictions of the near future (which invariably come true), Cliff begins to take them very seriously.

Cliff is instructed to cancel an upcoming business trip (he is to meet Vincent Castle [Stacy Keach], the CEO of a large corporation, to pitch his latest time travel machine idea). Cliff is informed that when he meets Mr Castle, he will be attacked by Castle’s goons in an attempt to steal his precious time machine plans. In the scuffle that would ensue, Cliff would kill Mr Castle (in self defence) but he himself would be beaten so badly that he would fall into a coma, and only awake years later.

Reluctantly, present-Cliff chooses not to meet Mr Castle… but while he has saves himself, the future-Cliff now finds himself being hunted Mr Castle (who is now alive in the future). To complicate matters more, present-Mr Castle begin to pursue present-Cliff.

Both present and future Cliffs realise that they must work together to find a balance which will help save them both. They cleverly devise a plan that will frame Mr Castle but things go awry… and Castle is killed.

Cliff Clayburn is found guilty of murder and sent to death row.

 Notes: Introduce Cliff Clayburn’s wacky research assistant (Rick Moranis) to lighten the mood and his saucy PA (Elisha Cuthbert) to stir some sexual tension.

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