johnny-depp-pirate1rae_dawn-now22hugh-grant-baked-beans1

Pirates of the Gulf of Aden (G)

Genre: Blockbuster pirate flick / Inter-racial love story

Plot:

Muhammad Akbar (Johnny Depp) and his band of merry pirates (Omid Djalili, Djimon Hounsou, Michael Richards, etc.) patrol the seas of the Gulf of Aden in a high speed dhow, hunting for wealthy merchant vessels to loot.

One day, whilst patroling the open sea, they happen upon a raft on which a ragged, lifeless person (Trump Steelman played by Hugh Grant) lay. Despite some of the pirates’ suspicions, Steelman is employed by Muhammad as an assistant-to-the-junior-yeoman pirate. Unbeknownst to Muhammad, however, Steelman is actually in the pay of the Royal Navy and is acting as a covert undercover agent.

Steelman quickly adjusts to life as a pirate and soon becomes involved in a seedy affair with the ship’s cook – Sunita Chowdry (Rae Dawn Chong) [note: the only meal she knows how to cook is baked beans which is Steelman’s favourite – thus leading to a shared carnal attraction]. Steelman vows to help her escape the grips of the pirates, once the Royal Navy returns to save him.

The pirates, however, intercept a Royal Navy radio signal that reveals the truth behind the new assistant-to-the-junior-yeoman pirate. Muhammad is furious and devises a plan to earn his revenge (insert: torture scene (involving really hot baked beans) that requires some serious Oscar-worthy method-acting by Hugh Grant – may or may not be possible.)

Steelman is then left how he was found: lifeless and floating on a raft in the middle of the Gulf of Aden.

TBD: Unsure how this will end… possible endings include one with: a talking whale (voice by Forest Whitaker), a friendly tortoise (voice by Jason Alexander) or a helpful mermaid/merman (Dame Judi Dench), etc…

The Shoe Thrower (G)

December 16, 2008

shoes

The Shoe Thrower (G)

Genre: Artsy indie foreign film with “a shock ending that will blow your mind“.

Muntadhar al-Zaidi’s (Omid Djalili) ambition in life is to live in a society where shoe-throwing is deemed acceptable.

Throughout his troubled life, he is jailed on many occasions for throwing his shoes at a people in positions of authority (including a University professor with whom he had a disagreement about his falafel toppings).

After his release from prison (after the falafel incident), he is offered a chance at a local newspaper, which is run by his boyhood friend: “This is your last chance Muntadhar!” (during this scene, Muntadhar is visibly irritated and tempted to throw his shoes at his friend – but doesn’t).

Months go by and Muntadhar slowly adjusts to his new role. He saves up his money to buy a very special pair of shoes – ones which he would find very difficult to throw away (“I love these shoes more than I love my mother”).

One day he finds himself at a press conference with the Iraqi president… and, unexpectedly, the American president appears unannounced.

Muntadhar is torn between his desire to plonk Georgie Boy Jr (Michael Richards) with his size 10s and the reality that life, as he knows it, would end if he were to succumb to his inner demons.