Deep Thaw (PG-13)

Deep Thaw (PG-13)

Tagline: Things are gonna heat up.

Locked in the grips of a global deep freeze, American president (Morgan Freeman) orders a rag-tag group of scientists and coal miners (Bill Paxton, Hillary Swank, Randy Quaid, Omid Djalili) to drill to the Earth’s core in the hopes of triggering geological activity to (hopefully) warm the planet.

Robert Duvall, plays a marine turned preacher, comes out of retirement to lead the crew – but ultimately jeopardizes the mission when he starts to believe they are really in Hell.

Possible dialogue:

Duvall: “We’re moving too slow. Now I’d say the Indian guy (Djalili) & the boy (Swank) weigh about the same as my trunk full of bibles, so we have to kill ’em.”

Shiv Your Dad (NC-17)

Shiv Your Dad (NC-17)

Genre: Jailhouse Musical/Dance Extravaganza!

When a judge rules that their song “Shiv Your Dad” encouraged a teen to stab his father, American heavy metal rock band DeathFace (Jack Black, Adam Sandler & Pauly Shore) is sentenced to 20 years in a maximum security penitentiary for manslaughter.

Despite the regular shankings and sodomy, they continue to produce music and their popularity increases (especially among the inmates – who fancy their long hair and tight trousers).

Seeing a flaw in the judge’s decision, fan/lawyer Skip Hipplemeyer Sr (Bill Paxton) takes on their case pro bono. His appeal goes all the way to the Supreme Court and the original decision is ultimately overturned.

Final scenes include an impromptu concert by DeathFace on the steps of the Supreme Court and the shock stabbing of Skip Hipplemeyer Sr by his arch-conservative son Skip Hipplemeyer Jr (Hayley Joel Osment).

Soundtrack:

1. Shave Your Dad –DeathFace (sample lyrics: Don’t care what the judges say, it’s time to seize the day, it’s more than a passing fad, it’s time to shiv your dad…)

2. I Fought the Law – The Clash

3. Jailhouse Rock – Elvis Presley

4. Folsom Prison Blues – Johnny Cash

5. Jailbreak – AC/DC

6. Backdoor Man – The Doors

7. Sodomy Sodoyou (to the tune of ‘Knowing Me, Knowing You’ by ABBA) –DeathFace

8. And Justice for All – Metallica

Coffin Dodger (R)

 

Coffin Dodger (R)

One old man has scared the bejesuz out of four generations of one family… tonight, four generations of one family are going to scare the bejesuz out of one old man.

Halloween: ten-year-old Skip Hipplemeyer (Hayley Joel Osment) is about to go trick-or-treating with his father ‘Skip’ (Bill Paxton), his grandfather ‘Skip’ (Harvey Keitel), and his great grandfather ‘Scypemünd’ (Karl Malden).

In the past, they would have stayed well away from the old Hobson house, as they’ve all been terrified of crazy old Rodney Hobson (Clint Eastwood) for as long as any of them can remember.

Tonight, however, the four Hipplemeyer boys decide to bring Mr Hobson’s reign of terror to an end – “I mean, just how old is he? He was even an old man when Scypemünd was a boy in the 30’s! It just ain’t natural, I say we scare that old man to death!”

But maybe Mr Hobson has a few surprises in store for the Hipplemeyers…