Mary Christmas (G)

December 20, 2010

Mary Christmas (G)

Tagline: All I Want For Christmas Is Your Kidney

Mary Krismas (Queen Latifah) is a middle-aged African-American living with her overbearing mother in a small apartment in downtown Chicago. She is indifferent to the holiday season, mainly because of her mother – who hasn’t celebrated Christmas in 40 years!

In the North Pole, Santa Claus (Kevin James) has come down with a serious illness. The elf doctor tells him his kidneys are failing and is in desperate need of a transplant. Everyone is in despair because it’s believed that Santa has no blood relatives. Weak and weary, however, Santa admits to a one-night affair (include flashback scene – Santa with a giant white afro, pants down to his ankles, etc…) He tells his elves that he is, in fact, the father of a middle-aged African-American woman who lives in a small apartment in Chicago with her overbearing mother, and goes by the name Mary.

In order to save Christmas for everyone, the elder elf vows to track her down and return with her kidney.

To make a long story short, the elf finds Mary and brings her to the North Pole. Borderline racist/culture clash hilarity ensues (i.e. “don’t you have any fried turkey?” etc…)

Possible dialogue:

Elf: Ma’am, it’s the only way to save Santa and Christmas.

Mother: You go honey, and you tell that deadbeat son-of-a-bitch that he owes me forty years of child support!

 Other possible dialogue:

 Santa: All I want for Christmas is your right kidney.

Mary: Pops, if you bring me a Lexus on Christmas morning, you can have my kidney, my spleen AND my uterus!

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