"I'll soon get me gin money, see what a jolly bonnet i've got?"

The Frightful Fears of Fanny Fanciful (R)

The story of a paranoid-schizophrenic prostitute Fanny Fanciful (Dame Judi Dench) in Victorian London who is obsessed with the idea that one day she will be attacked whilst ‘on duty’. Unfortunately she has no choice to continue her ‘work’ in order to get by.

Despite her friends’ attempts to calm her fears (friends played by Helen Mirren, Tilda Swinton, Dame Maggie Smith, Loni Anderson) she becomes increasingly delusional, and ends up turning to gin to help calm her frayed nerves.

At one of her many frequented gin joints, she is befriended by a male companion (Donald Sutherland or Mickey Rooney), who (over time) is able to soothe her into a sense of security.

Unfortunately, he ends up being Jack the Ripper – and she becomes his first victim.

Possible scene: Vicious topless bar brawl between Fanny and rival French tart (Catherine Deneuve – aka the French Dench) featuring a lot of rolling around in sawdust/biting each other’s bingo-wings etc (will rival naked brawl scenes from Borat and Eastern Promises).

Chasing Donuts (G)

January 12, 2009


Chasing Donuts (G)

[aka Chasing Doughnuts) – UK



Yet another drippy Data-entry biopic




The amazing true-life story of the infamous Stan Sanford (Mr Spreadsheet, to his friends) – the world’s greatest data entry clerk (played by Shia LaBeouf).


The film documents his extraordinary rise to fame, examining the obstacles he encountered (e.g. his rivalry with the Indian clerk who had extra fingers, his own body’s rejection of the extra finger implants, etc.) and follows his hunt for legendary Jimmy ‘Donuts’ Donovan (played by Mickey Rourke or Mickey Rooney), the man who invented data entry.


Ultimately, Sandford overcomes all obstacles to reach the final of the hit TV series Data Entry Idol (hosted by David Crosby) and eventually becomes the world’s first legitimate triple threat – a man who excels at data entry, donut eating and office spamming.