Ching, Chong & the Chinaman (R)

Genre: Wild West Kick ‘Em Up

1854: A small group of specially-trained, fresh-off-the-boat Chinamen (Jet Li as Ching, Stephen Chow as Chong, Jackie Chan as ‘the Chinaman’) travel to California. Their mission? To win big at local casinos using sneaky card counting tricks and bust out sick kung fu moves if required (note: they will be).

But Sacremento proves one town too far. The casino’s owner, notorious Jack ‘Cattle Prod’ Jones (Steven Seagal) and his henchmen (Jean-Claude ‘Heart Attack’ Van Damme & Jason Statham) aren’t going to let their money go without a fight. High octane action ensues.

Special cameo by Loni Anderson as the town whore.

Possible Dialogue:

Jones: Hand back the cash and your little friend here won’t get hurt.

The Chinaman: Let’s paint this town yarrow (flurry of flying kicks and punches, cash flies everywhere, Chong is prodded in the unmentionables, etc…)

Here Be Dragons (PG-13)

April 1, 2009

Here Be Dragons (PG-13)



An isolated Amish community in Pennsylvania is attacked by a dragon, who flies off with the village beauty, Amy (Laura Linney)

The village elder (Malcolm McDowell) selects his sons, Butter Jake & Chicken Elam (Jason Statham & Gary Sinise), who are both rivals for the affections of Amy, to set out on a quest to find the dragons lair, rescue the maiden and slay the mighty fire-breathing beast… all without using electricity, cussing or buttons.