The Last Homo (PG-13)

June 29, 2010

The Last Homo (PG-13)

Europe: about 25,000 BC. The war between modern humans (Homo Sapiens) & Neanderthals (Homo Californicacious) is drawing to a close. The primitive Neanderthals, have been all but wiped out, by the more advanced invaders from Africa. Only a single Neanderthal remains: Ugg (Arnold Schwarzenegger).

Ugg is determined not to go quietly and mounts a one-man guerrilla war against the humans. During one particularly successful raid against the human camp, Ugg kidnaps the leader’s mate (Halle Berry). The human leader (Wesley Snipes) is furious and orders his men to hunt down and  kill the savage before he can mate with his woman.

Will brute force & primitive weapons prevail against brains, long enough for Ugg to pass on his genes? Or is Ugg (& his entire species) facing extinction?

* the opening battle scene will feature the acting debut of World Cup star Carlos Tevez, seen here with his mother:

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Double Trouble (PG-13)

August 18, 2009

Double Trouble (PG-13)

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A promiscuous woman (Lindsey Lohan), impregnated by two different men at the same time (a situation which baffles the doctors), has to learn to cope with the two very different fathers (Arnold Schwarzenegger & Danny Devito).

Possible dialogue:

AS: Move ovah, you ahre hogging zee bed.

DD: Me? You’re twice the size of me, you big oaf!

LL: If you two don’t shut up, I’m throwing myself down the stairs! (cue laugh track)