Quackers: The Line Dancing Duck (U)


Genre: All singing, all dancing, country music, cartoon caper

After Daddy Duck (Owen Wilson) is killed by a savage fox (Neil Diamond), Mummy Duck (Anna Paquin) struggles to raise her seven ducklings, including the youngest ‘Quackers’ (Taylor Swift)

Quackers suggests that they enter the big line dancing contest, to be held at the Grand Ole Opry, in one week (prize: $1000). So the family set off on (webbed) foot to Nashville.

But along the way, disaster strikes, Quackers (being the smallest) is unable to keep up and gets separated from her family. Mummy Duck is distraught, but has to continue, for the sake of the others.

Brave little Quackers is determined to catch up and continues alone. Along the way she meets several new friends:
Teets, the pregnant Cow (Dolly Parton)
Jumpy, the coke sniffing Rooster (Jack White)
Scrotum O’Neil, the 200 year old Tortoise (Lyle Lovett)

Eventually, she makes it to the contest, just in time for the dance off between the final 2 teams: her family & a pack of foxes led by the son of a gun who killed her pappy!

Tagline: Get y’all ducks in row

Captain Pickle’s Fuzzy Warm Hugs Gang (G)

Genre: Psychedelic/surrealistic animated tosh

Struggling conceptual artists Stan Redman and Calvin Green (voiced by Owen and Luke Wilson) travel to a transcendental meditation retreat in Rikikesh, India, seeking spiritual guidance and artistic inspiration (and drugs). Other guests include cartoon versions of Mia Farrow, Ringo Starr, Brian Wilson, Jeff Bridges, Dame Judi Dench, etc.

Soon after their arrival, however, the Maharishi (the retreat’s guru) is kidnapped by a group of monsters known as the Bad Vibes (who dress somewhat like the Taliban and have a dislike for creativity).

Redman and Green convince the other guests to form a musical band (dubbed ‘Captain Pickle’s Fuzzy Warm Hugs Gang’) to fight the Bad Vibes with ‘good vibes’ and to show them the value of love, music and art (and drugs).

Bombarded with endless music, the Bad Vibes are forced to surrender. Redman and Green offer a token of friendship (shrooms) to the Chief Bad Vibe and he has a ‘change of heart’. The Maharishi is saved and an enormous (drug fueled) party ensues!

 

Listen to Captain Pickle’s Theme Here

Possible Dialogue:

Redman: “But are you riding the horse? or is the horse riding you?”

Green: “Eh? GET OUT OF MY MIND YOU SLAAAAAAG!!!!”

 

Hoo Dunnit? (G)

March 9, 2009

owl2

Inspecteur Tweet-Twoo

Hoo Dunnit? (G)

Genre: Animated mystery/thriller

When several owlets go missing from a tranquil owl community, the village elders call in legendary detective Inspecteur Tweet-Twoo (Gerard Depardieu) to unravel the mystery.

His investigation leads him to the seedy underbelly of the owl community and exposes the dark side of the quaint forest. His investigations uncover tales of avian debauchery, secret owlet sacrificing rituals and an illegal taxidermy business set up to repay a wise old owl’s (Dame Judi Dench) gambling debts.

Notes: Can either work as an animated film or a live action with the actors in costumes… either way, although the latter intrigues me more.

Dame Judi Dench

Dame Judi Dench

Shoe City (G)

February 1, 2009

 

pixar1

Shoe City (G)

Basic rom-com (slob male/unattainable babe) with a Disney/Pixar twist: all the characters are shoes. They all live in a divided city with the fashionable shoes living on the west side and the unfashionable shoes (e.g. trainers, running shoes) on the east side. The city is divided by a giant wall that is patrolled by eagle-eyed bouncers.

Aspiring rock star, Chuck (Kevin James) and his best friend, burned out 70’s casualty Dietmar Moonjazz (David Bowie), spend their days dreaming of making it over the wall to the west, where they feel they belong.

One day, at the annual Mid-town rave, Chuck meets Sally (Scarlett Johansson), who is a Westsider! They fall in love but she’s engaged to Vito ‘Etch-a-Sketches’ Smackallino (Tracy Morgan), reigning king of Shoe City’s drug trade (& mayor). [note: Unbeknownst to Sally, Vito is having an affair with nightclub singer, ‘Rug Burns’ Pastaggio (Megan Fox).]

 

At the stroke of midnight Chuck & Sally are forced to part along with the rest of the population and return through the central gate to their own side of the city until next year. But Chuck can’t wait that long…

Can Chuck & Dietmar make it over the wall disguised as fashionable lady-shoes and find Sally again before the wedding? If so, can Chuck & Sally escape the wrath of Vito? Will Chuck & Dietmar be allowed to stay in the West & fulfill their dreams?

Possible dialogue:

Chuck: “Mr Smackallino, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for Shoe City, if you seek liberalization: Come here to this gate! Mr. Smackallino, open this gate! Mr. Smackallino, TEAR DOWN THIS WALL!” (crowd erupts into wild applause)

Original song:

“Together we’re a pair” by Tom Waits and that girl from the Ting Tings.

 

Kevin James

Kevin James

 

Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson

 

Megan Fox

Megan Fox

David Bowie

David Bowie

Tracy Morgan

Tracy Morgan